So you’re going to say “We Do” to one another, in front of your community of loved ones and any Divine Presence you wish to involve. It’s one of the most resonant moments of this memorable day; you want to do it in a way that’s uniquely you and draws everyone close.
You should be able to find someone wonderful—someone who can radiate light and warmth into the ritual, whether it’s the secular basics, straight out of a venerable holy book, or written by the two of you over several successive sessions in the kitchen or the hot tub.
Maybe you love the marriage rite of your religion, in which case you may have your officiant, location, and basic ceremony all mapped out. Make sure you know all about any premarital counseling or other requirements involved. If you want to personalize your ceremony, make sure your officiant is on board with your ideas.
Speaking of having everyone on board, New York State requires that you both come in at least 24 hours before the ceremony with proof of age and ID, plunk down $40, and sign your license.
Once 24 hours have passed, you can speak your vows in the presence of a current or former governor, a mayor, an appointed local marriage officer, a judge (anything from federal or tribal to village justice of the peace), a clergyperson, or a few other options explained in Section 11 of the Domestic Relations Law. With all of those choices on the menu, you should be able to find someone wonderful—someone who can radiate light and warmth into the ritual, whether it’s the secular basics, straight out of a venerable holy book, or written by the two of you over several successive sessions in the kitchen or the hot tub. Be ready to tell your
story in some detail and explain the basic family dynamics; the right officiant will make time to hear it and will use the information to make their contribution personal. The biggest and best trend of 2022 being our appreciation of each other, you may want to incorporate one or more of the following into your ceremony:
It’s one of the most resonant moments of this memorable day; you want to do it in a way that’s uniquely you and draws everyone close.
couples’ ritual
• Unity Candle: Each of you uses a smaller candle to light the larger flame that symbolizes your union. Alternatively, parents can do this to mark the joining of families.
• Water Cleansing: Your officiant pours water from a pitcher over your upturned hands, symbolizing the washing away and releasing of past negativity.
• Handfasting: You join your hands in a figure 8; your officiant binds them with a ribbon or scrap of heirloom fabric.
friends and family ritual
• Friendship Circle: At a smaller wedding, you can ask everyone to form a circle and do a classic round, giving everyone a chance to speak.
• Ring Blessing: Tie your two rings together with a satin ribbon and pass around, so that each guest (or perhaps the two first rows at a large wedding) can hold them in their hands for a moment and add their good vibes.
• Light It Up: Instead of (or in addition to) a Unity Candle, you can arrange a display of votives near the entrance; each guest can light one as an expression of their joy and good wishes for your union.
